I WILL DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE

Maybe you should sit down for this.

You see, I came across a story today that I just can’t ignore. Some may find it unpleasant, even shocking.

The headline: China Says, Please Stop Hiring Funeral Strippers.

OMG. Wait, what??! Is that a thing?

Yes. Yes it is.

God, I love China. Squeeeeee!

Without them where would we get children’s toys made of (or painted with) lead? Where would we get poison pet food? Where, I ask you, would we get toothpaste that contains ingredients found in anti-freeze?

No where. That’s where.

Well, maybe Taiwan would step up to the plate.

Here’s the deal. Apparently, in order to attract a good-sized crowd that brings honor to the deceased and to the family of the deceased, there has to be some sort of incentive. I mean really – most funerals are not that entertaining. Unless you attended my father’s – which was a laugh riot. But mostly, funerals are on the dull side. So, in China, especially rural China, people thought it would be good to provide some entertainment. Like opera. So for awhile opera at funerals was all the rage. Then the novelty of that wore off and people started showing movies at their relative’s funeral.  (You know, like “please join us as we celebrate the life of (deceased) and enjoy a screening of “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.”) By the way, if this catches on in the U.S., please play Gone with the Wind at mine.

Well, I guess movie screenings just weren’t drawing the crowds like they’d hoped – so the big idea now is strippers. Imagine it – in the middle of a funeral dirge, a strip tease breaks out. “Nearer my God to Thee” segues into “You Can Keep your Hat On.”

Oh, and sometimes, they bring snakes with them. The strippers,  not the deceased. Because just a plain ole’ stripper isn’t enough of a draw. Frankly, things have gone horribly wrong in a woman’s life if she says to herself, “I could really get on board with a career taking off my clothes and gyrating around a corpse.” Then again, things have gone horribly wrong if you are dead and your nearest and dearest thinks no one will show up to say goodbye to you unless there’s a partially naked woman dancing on your grave.

The Ministry of Culture claims the funeral-stripper business is thriving in rural areas due to a “general lack of cultural events.”  Really? How hard is it to pull together a nice, family-friendly square dance? Or a rousing game of bingo?

But never fear. The Chinese government is all over this. The ministry claims that “Those responsible for vulgar acts will be punished.”

Maybe they’ll spank them.

funeral stripper

 

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