Gee, well, that was only a two year break from blogging. Not that bad, right?
I’ll share more on what’s been happening in the weeks and months to come. Today, I just want to blow some dust off the old blog page, catch up a bit and see what happens.
Since last I posted here, we’ve had some serious losses. We are currently down one wonderful stepfather and one sweet and amazing father-in-law. That leaves me minus all fathers, which is a weird place for me emotionally.
Following the loss of my stepfather last year in July, we stumbled through Thanksgiving and Christmas blindly. So much so that as we discuss plans for this year, we can’t even recall what we did. The only thing I remember from December 2017 was my incessant need to play the song “We Need A Little Christmas Now” from Auntie Mame over and over.
In fact, I took that as my mantra and for the first time ever purchased a Christmas tree before Thanksgiving. I wanted it up and decorated. A push toward a new year and push away from the painful memories and experiences with regard to the estate of my late stepfather that continued (and continue) to plague us. A subtext that will probably be explored delicately later involves not only his loss, but the loss of his family (OUR family?) and the traditions we enjoyed together.
But if asked what we did for Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day 2017, I just have no idea. I imagine it involved forced smiles and more than a few hidden tears. But at least the worst was behind us, or so we imagined.
Who would have known that three months into the new year – instead of distancing from pain, we would find ourselves plunged into even greater darkness with the loss of my father-in-law – by his own hand? No one. That’s who.
So, here we are eight months later. We combined both families at Thanksgiving (there is strength in numbers). We are now planning the best way to get through another Christmas and hoping to put 2018 and 2017 so far behind us the sadness and bewilderment, frustration and anger can’t follow.
That is most likely not going to happen, regardless of letters to Santa and prayers to God. We like to cover all our bases.
But I find myself surrounded by some incredibly resilient and positive-spirited individuals. There are friends and family members far and near who reach out periodically and are on my mind and in my heart more than I’ve been able to show them while wrapped up in the issues at hand. I’m very good at wallowing. It’s all in or nothing for me.
Looking head – new adventures await. The year will end, and another will begin. Hopefully there will be more hellos than goodbyes. More hope and less despair. More proof that there is good in the hearts of those around us. Confirmation that our family is more than just those who share our blood; and that while we have faith the meek shall inherit the earth, there is much to be said for kicking ass.